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How to Talk About Money with Your Partner

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Having the ‘Money Talk’ Before It’s Too Late

Are you crazy in love, but your relationship is moving faster than your current budget allows? Are you and your partner already talking about getting married or buying a house together without thinking about how you will afford it? Are you considering moving in together to save money?

Asking yourselves these questions signifies that it may be time to have the “money talk” with your partner. If you are hesitant to have this conversation because your partner is not as good with money as you are, having a solid, comprehensive financial plan can help you feel more confident when talking about money and inspire your partner to do the same.

If, on the other hand, you see a serious future with this person and want to set yourselves up for financial success, but you have personal money issues that are affecting your wellbeing, you will want to create a long-term financial plan and open a dialogue with your partner about budgeting, paying off debts and saving up for future goals together.

Reduce Your Financial Stress

The first step towards setting the tone for a productive conversation about finances in your relationship is to look inward at your own money issues. If you let your own problems continue to build, such as the pile of bills in your mailbox, you may start to feel the negative physical and mental health effects of financial stress.

For example, if you are drowning in student loan debt, you will feel much more secure bringing it up to your partner if you already have a strategy in place for getting your finances back on track. Although it may be tough to think about, having a well-planned financial strategy ensures that if your relationship ever goes south, you will still be able to support yourself. You should strive to retain full ownership over your money problems because the last thing you want is for your partner to take on the stress of your own financial woes, weakening your relationship rather than making it stronger.

One way to feel more stable despite having stressful financial issues is to set up an emergency fund. By contributing a small percentage of your income to an emergency fund every month, you will feel more confident knowing that you have funds readily available in case of an emergency expense, like your car breaking down or laptop being stolen. You can even ask your partner if they would like to start making contributions so that the emergency fund is accessible to both of you in case of an unanticipated situation. Budgeting for emergencies together as a couple will help you get on track to stop living paycheck-to-paycheck and start paying off debts.

Be Transparent

Speaking of debts, you want to be as upfront as possible when disclosing your personal debts to your partner. Before you start this dialogue together, figure out a debt relief strategy that fits best with your budget and lifestyle. Perhaps you want to tackle your highest debt amounts first or start small and budget along the way for larger debts. Because you will already have a plan in motion for paying off your debt, your partner will be able to better support you emotionally.

To grow into a financially healthy relationship, you and your partner will want to analyze your individual spending habits as well as your spending habits as a couple. Identify where you can make adjustments to save money together.

For instance, if you live together and are feeling like your cable bill is too high, consider canceling your subscription and instead create a joint Netflix or Hulu account for both of you to use and split the bill for. If you find yourselves eating out more than you probably should, schedule a time to go grocery shopping and cook a homemade meal together once or twice a week. Cutting costs to save a few dollars here and there will eventually help you and your partner save enough for long-term goals.

Find Common Goals

It can be hard to talk to your partner about financial goals because you both may have unique situations. Find common goals to help you make decisions on financial priorities. Do you both have student debt? Is there a dream vacation you would both like to contribute to? What about starting a family or adopting a pet? These are common goals you can both agree to include in a budget. Forming a financial future together does not have to be a huge challenge when you are both working hard towards a shared goal.

Attempt to start small and create realistic steps. First ask yourselves, how much of both of your incomes do you have to set aside to reach these goals? It may be cutting down on coffee runs, considering both of your rent-to-income ratios, calculating your debt-to-income ratios, or adjusting your means of transportation. Secondly, actively participate with your partner in each other’s finances. Usually, one of you will manage both incomes as a whole, which is a mindful task in itself. The second person has to proactively participate in remaining on the course of also reaching these established goals. It is easy to defer your responsibilities when someone else is keeping an eye on the bill. This may seed an easily avoidable conflict.

Bring Ideas to the Table

Come to the table with well-thought-out solutions if you are going to point out a discrepancy. Speaking about a consistent lack of money, mounting debt, a low income, or raising taxes are all stress-inducing topics. Planning some budget proposals for your partner can help alleviate anxiety.

When you live with someone, it is easier to get on top of a shared budget. Form a strategy, have your highest priorities on the top of the list, and consider what actions need to take place to accomplish your mutual goals. Repeatedly ask yourselves how you both can work toward your goals when creating and maintaining a budget. The more kinks you work out the more transparency you will both have. Speak openly about financial hardships and constructive solutions to move towards your shared and individual goals.

Final Thoughts

It is crucial to clear a path for communication because, in a committed relationship, finances will be a constant topic of conversation. So, strive to make it as comfortable and as normal as possible. The road to accomplishing your financial goals as a couple is a work in progress, so practice compassion and patience towards each other. Keep in mind that your partner has individual needs that might shift. Finances do not have to be a difficult conversation. The less time you delay having “the money talk,” the sooner you and your partner will be on track to that dream vacation, that new puppy, or the down payment on your future home.

About the Author

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Rick Munster

Rick Munster is a personal finance expert and author with over 21 years of experience in the credit counseling industry. He currently serves on the board of directors for the Financial Counseling Association of America and has written over 200 articles on personal finance. Rick's expertise has been recognized by several prominent online organizations, which have quoted him on issues related to credit counseling, debt management, and financial education. With more than 20 years of experience at Money Fit, a non-profit credit counseling organization, Rick has established himself as a trusted authority in the field of personal finance.
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NOTE: This sheet is to inform new or returning clients about our services, records, fees, and limitations that may affect you as a consumer of our services. This form also discloses how we might release your information to other agencies and/or regulators. If you do not understand a statement, please ask a Debt Reduction Services (DRS) counselor for assistance.

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To provide our financial education and credit counseling services, we collect nonpublic personal information about you as follows: 1) Information we receive from you, 2) Information about your transactions with us or others, and 3) Information we receive from your creditors or a consumer reporting agency. We do not share this information with outside parties.

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Debt Reduction Services, Inc. complies with the privacy requirements set forth in the HUD housing counseling agency handbook 7610.1 (05/2010), including the sections 2-2 Mc, 3-1 H(2), 3-3, 5-3 F, and Attachment A.5. At all times, we will comply with all additional laws and regulations to which we are subject regarding the collection, use, and disclosure of individually identifiable information.

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Disclosure to Client for HUD Housing Counseling Services

Debt Reduction Services, Inc. and its financial education arm, Money Fit by DRS, offer the following housing counseling and educational services related to housing, personal finance, and bankruptcy certificates to consumers:
  • Housing Education Courses: DRS offers many online self-guided education programs classified as Financial, Budgeting, and Credit Workshops (FBC), Fair Housing Pre-Purchase Education Workshops (FHW), Homelessness Prevention Workshops (HMW), Non-Delinquency Post Purchase Workshops (NDW), Predatory Lending Education Workshops (PLW), Pre-purchase Homebuyer Education Workshops (PPW), and Rental Housing Workshops (RHW). These courses help participants increase their knowledge of and skills in personal finance, including home affordability, budgeting, and understanding the use of credit, as well as predatory lending, loan scams, and other fraud prevention topics, fair housing, rental topics, pre-purchase homebuyer education, non-delinquency post-purchase topics including home maintenance and/or financial management for homeowners, homeless prevention workshop, and other workshops not listed above relating to personal finance and housing. Course details are found below under “Housing Workshops.”
  • Home Equity Conversation Mortgage (HECM) Counseling (RMC): Via telephone and virtual platforms, we offer the required HECM counseling nationwide in addition to in-person counseling in Boise, Idaho. We also offer in-home counseling options in thirty counties across southern Idaho for an additional fee to cover our travel and additional staff time costs.
  • Home Maintenance and Financial Management for Homeowners (Non-Delinquency Post-Purchase) (FBC): Clients receive counseling and materials on the proper maintenance of their home and mortgage refinancing. Clients can find help and resources by phone, in our Boise office, or virtually on all topics related to stabilizing their long-term homeownership.
  • Services for Homeless Counseling (HMC): Clients receive phone, virtual, or in-person (Boise) counseling to evaluate their current housing needs, identify barriers to and goals for housing stability, establish a path to self-sufficiency, and connect with emergency shelters, income-appropriate housing, and/or other community resources (e.g. mental healthcare, job training, transportation, etc.).
  • Pre-Purchase Counseling (PPC): Clients receive counseling through the entire homebuying process. Assistance may involve creating a sustainable household budget, understanding mortgage options, building their credit rating, and putting together a realistic action plan to set and achieve homeownership goals.  Additionally, clients will receive materials and resources about home inspections and other homeownership topics relevant to successfully maintaining a home.
  • Rental Housing Counseling (RHC): Via phone, in-person appointments (Boise, ID), or virtual platforms, clients receive housing counseling relevant to renting, including rent subsidies from HUD or other government and assistance programs. Topics can also address issues and concerns having to do with fair housing, landlord and tenant laws, lease terms, rent delinquency, household budgeting, and finding alternate housing.
DRS also offers the following services:
  • A Debt Management Program (DMP) for consumers struggling to pay their credit cards, collections, medical debts, personal loans, old utility bills, and past-due cell phone accounts;
  • The Budget Briefing and Debtor Education Certificates that are required during the Bankruptcy filing process;
  • A Student Loan Repayment Plan Counseling and application service.

Relationships with Industry Partners

Through such services, DRS has established financial relationships with hundreds of banks, credit unions, and creditors such as American Express, Bank of America, Barclays, Capital One, Chase, Citibank, Credit One, Discover, Synchrony, US Bank, USAA, Wells Fargo, and others.

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The client is not obligated to receive, purchase or utilize any other services offered by DRS or its exclusive partners to receive financial education or housing counseling services. Alternatives: As a condition of our counseling services, in alignment with meeting our client services goals, and in compliance with HUD’s Housing Counseling Program requirements, we may provide information on alternative services, programs, and products available to you, if applicable and known by our staff. Alternative DMP services include negotiating better repayment terms directly with your individual creditors, paying your debts as agreed, or, in extreme cases, filing for personal bankruptcy. Alternative credit and education services can be found through MyMoney.gov or the Jump$tart Clearinghouse of online financial education resources. Housing counseling alternatives can be found through HUD at www.hud.gov/findacounselor.
Finally, you understand that you may revoke consent to these disclosures by notifying DRS in writing.
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Housing Counseling and Education Fee Schedule

 

Online Education Program Fees*

Homebuyer Education Course: $59 per participant

  • Self-paced course available here, our online housing counseling and education center. Certificates will be automatically generated upon completion of the course (approximately 6-8 hours)

Rental, Fair Housing, Predatory Lending / HOEPA, Post-Purchase (Non-delinquency post-purchase workshop, including home maintenance and/or financial management for homeowners) Online Workshops: $49 per participant

  • Approximately 1 hour each

Other Self-Guided Financial Literacy Webinars (e.g. credit, budgeting, homeless prevention, debt prevention): $0

One-on-one Counseling Fees*

Pre-purchase Homebuying Counseling, Rental Counseling, Post-purchase Ownership Maintenance and Financial Management: $75

  • Session by the hour

Reverse Mortgage/HECM Counseling with Required Certificate:

  • $200†

Credit Report Fee: Paid Directly by Client

*Fees for all but our online education courses and workshops can be paid online by debit card, credit card, or PayPal or in person by cash, check or money order to: “Debt Reduction Services, Inc.” Registration fees are non-refundable 24 hours or less before the start of an in-person course or workshop. Certificates are non-transferable

*Fees may be waived for households with income of 150% or less of that identified on the US Department of Health and Human Services Poverty Guidelines Page

†Home visit counseling is available in 30 southern Idaho counties for potential HECM borrowers at additional costs to cover our travel (IRS reimbursement rates apply) and staff time ($50 per hour or fraction there).

Close

Housing Counseling and Education Fee Schedule

 

Online Education Program Fees*

Homebuyer Education Course: $59 per participant

  • Self-paced course available here, our online housing counseling and education center. Certificates will be automatically generated upon completion of the course (approximately 6-8 hours)

Rental, Fair Housing, Predatory Lending / HOEPA, Post-Purchase (Non-delinquency post-purchase workshop, including home maintenance and/or financial management for homeowners) Online Workshops: $49 per participant

  • Approximately 1 hour each

Other Self-Guided Financial Literacy Webinars (e.g. credit, budgeting, homeless prevention, debt prevention): $0

One-on-one Counseling Fees*

Pre-purchase Homebuying Counseling, Rental Counseling, Post-purchase Ownership Maintenance and Financial Management: $75

  • Session by the hour

Reverse Mortgage/HECM Counseling with Required Certificate:

  • $200†

Credit Report Fee: Paid Directly by Client

*Fees for all but our online education courses and workshops can be paid online by debit card, credit card, or PayPal or in person by cash, check or money order to: “Debt Reduction Services, Inc.” Registration fees are non-refundable 24 hours or less before the start of an in-person course or workshop. Certificates are non-transferable

*Fees may be waived for households with income of 150% or less of that identified on the US Department of Health and Human Services Poverty Guidelines Page

†Home visit counseling is available in 30 southern Idaho counties for potential HECM borrowers at additional costs to cover our travel (IRS reimbursement rates apply) and staff time ($50 per hour or fraction there).